Before you answer that question, let’s talk about a few things first.  

How you view an experience or person in your life is so important! It’s called perspective, or simply put, it’s the way that you see things.

I personally didn’t understand how important perspective was, until I tried to change the way I saw someone in my life. It wasn’t something I learned on my own or even wanted to do. Trust me on that!  It all started from a conversation I had with someone.

So, there I was, complaining about someone who really hurt me. I was going on and on about this person. Then, suddenly the person I was talking to, ” flipped the script on me” as they say, and I was able to look at the situation differently. Just like that, it lessened my pain, because the focus was no longer about how much it hurt. And that, is priceless!

I will give you an example of how changing your perspective works, in a few. But first let’s define what it means to be a survivor or a victim.

A survivor is defined as “a person who copes with a bad situation or affliction and who gets through, or a person who manages to live through a situation that often causes death.”

A victim is defined as “a person who has been attacked, injured, robbed, or killed by someone else. A person who is cheated or fooled by someone else. Someone or something that is harmed by an unpleasant event.”

I don’t know about you, but my initial feeling after reading both definitions is that a survivor sounds like someone you would celebrate and a victim seems like someone you would feel sorry for.

Think about the reality show Survivor. The winner gets a prize of thousands of dollars for being able to withstand what most people can’t. They are celebrated and respected. On the other hand, when you think of a victim of let’s say, domestic violence who ran away, you would tend to feel sorry for them. They are often pitied, instead of celebrated.

When you really think about it, both a survivor and a victim have something in common: They both went through something difficult and painful.  However, the difference between the two, really boils down to perspective.

What I have learned and I’m still learning, through books and conversations with others, is that people who understand the power of changing their perspective are able to get back up and live meaningful lives despite, what they have been through.

I’m not going to lie; I had a major victim complex for years! I used to spill my guts about all the things that have happened to me and I used to be so angry, defensive, combative and depressed, because of it. I lived my life like a victim, but the truth is I wasn’t living at all.

Here’s a perfect example of the difference between a victim and survivor mentality.

I have the most amazing niece! Her name is Nevada, we call her Vada for short. Earlier this year, just before the “Pandemic” hit, she was diagnosed with breast cancer and had to undergo a double mastectomy.  My heart sank and as the family gathered in the hospital to see her after the procedure, so many thoughts filled my mind. I worried so much about her and her young daughter.

When she was brought out of recovery, still very out of it from the anesthesia, Nevada was smiling and she worried about the fact that there were no chairs for us in her room. She even rang the bell for the nurse so that they could bring us chairs.  It amazed me! How could she be smiling after something like this?

She wasn’t focusing on herself and this horrific surgery she had just been through. Nope, instead she was focusing on us! That is how she is and has always been. Always, caring about others first.

Fast forward, several months to present day and Vada is still trying to heal and has faced some bumps in her road to recovery. However, you would never know it. Her health impacts her ability to work full time and so she started Vegan Vibes by Vada where she prepares and sells vegan dishes and educates others about the importance of diet and health. (Check out her page, she also has a GoFundMe if you would like to donate.)  And honey! Vada can cook!! And I’m not just saying that because she’s my niece. Try it, you’ll see.

I am not only proud of her, but so very inspired by her! She could have chosen to see herself as a victim of cancer, but instead she chose to see herself as a survivor! She has a survivor mentality instead of a victim mentality! That’s the difference! She may be niece, but I have a lot to learn from her!

So, are you a survivor or a victim? Is there a painful experience, or situation in your life that you might be able to change your view of? I am sure you can think of something. Give it a shot and let me know how it goes. You might be surprised.

Until next time,

Love,

Drea

If you asked me a week ago, what I wanted out of life, I would quickly rattle off a list of things that are on my vision board.

For example:

1. I want my podcast to be a major success.

2. I want to have a best seller.

3. I want to own my own home.

4. I want to be in the best shape of my life…etc.

Pretty normal stuff right? Well, my BFF introduced me to a book that I have been listening to recently ( on audible) and it posed the simplest question, that somehow stumped me.

The more I asked myself the question, the more the answer escaped me. I began to wonder if I ever really knew the answer, as I searched within myself over and over again.

I wondered, is this the reason that I feel so damn unhappy, even after I’ve achieve something on my vision board? Maybe not knowing the answer is the reason why I seem to lack focus, self-discipline and why I sometimes feel so lost?

And so, out of frustration, I gave up! I was getting a little pissed off to tell you the truth!

Then one day, just like that, the answer popped into my mind, like bubbles in a glass of champagne rising to the top. Without effort, it came to me. The answer to the question:

Who do I want to be?

I want to be a woman whose inner voice expresses the truth of who I am and who I can be, instead of lies, from that broken part of me.

I want to be a woman who doesn’t look at herself through the lens of some flawed person’s perception or disapproval of me, based on their own insecurity or inability to love me the way I deserved to be loved.

I want to be a woman who treats her body, heart, soul and spirit like a queen, instead of being last on the list of mine or someone else’s priorities.

I want to be a woman whose fears no longer control her and whose courage leads the way.

I want to be a woman who looks in the mirror and loves what she sees, instead of the trauma and pain of her past.

I want to be a woman whose generational curses fall off like open shackles around her ankles, so she can step into her greatness!

I want to be the woman I was meant to be, long before the abuse, the heartache and mistakes that tried so damn hard, to break me!

Last but not least, I want to be the type of woman who inspires other women just like me. Those who have been through so much and still deserve to be happy.

Whew! I’ve got some work to do! Stay tuned!

Until next time,

Love, Drea!